A Little History

June 18, 1992 was the day that my dad passed away.  He had a rare form of cancer called Multiple Myeloma.  It attacks your bodies nature production of red blood cells and slowly starves all of your organs from oxygen.  He had to have weekly blood transfusions.  I was 12 when we found out he had this cancer, which at the time was incurable.   I was 15 years old when he passed away.  My mom has never remarried, she is turning 70 years old this year.  I have three older brothers and one of them is divorced, one of them is married but not until recently, and one of them has never been married.  None of them have children.  We so want a child so my mom can be a grandmother.  My wife's mom is a grandmother many times over.  Her great-grandmother has so many grandchildren and great grand children I think she loses count sometimes.  My mom has never had the joy of holding a grandchild in her arms and spoiling him/her.  All of this puts added pressure on us.  People in our church have had children, when would it be our turn.  Sometimes it seems to my wife and me as if God is judging us for past sins.  I mean if children are a heritage of the Lord and he truly gives them as a reward then why weren't we being rewarded.  Others were having children that didn't seem to truly care about the things of God.  Some famous people with less than stellar reputations were getting pregnant that had not a care in the world for the Lord.  Why not me who have surrended myself to the call to preach and my wife who is by my side wherever God calls us to preach.  From my perspective a lot of times I'm like Hannah's husband in 1 Samuel 1:8^,"Then said Elkanah her husband to her, Hannah, why weepest thou? and why eatest thou not? and why is thy heart grieved? am not I better to thee than ten sons?" I also want a child so bad but can't let my wife know.  I don't want to put that pressure on her and make her more upset.  She needs to just relax and I need to be strong for her.  Inside though I really want a little one that I could hold and love.