Monday, January 23, 2012

What not to say to your wife

I learned pretty quickly what not to say to my wife about our issues of having children.  Such as, hey honey we'll be alright without children.   That got the response of "I've wanted children all of my life and it's basically what I live for what would be the point of life without children."  I wanted children also but as a guy I tried to fix things.  At my job I'm a mechanic so I fix things all day long, why couldn't I fix my wife the same way.  All you need to do is analyze a problem and get to the source then fix it so it's no longer an issue and viola.  Sadly most men, myself included, don't understand women at all.  My wife's logic circuits run differently then mine.  I like everything to be fixed when I have a problem, she likes to have me just listen. 

Of course then there are the conversations when someone announces that they are pregnant and why do they "deserve to have a baby."  They could be people who can't keep their finances straight or people who do things that you shouldn't do.  Never say to them anything to the effect of being bitter(I never made that mistake) or to just be happy for them.  I myself know it's hard to be happy for someone else when they get something, whatever it may be, that I truly wanted.  I know how unfair it is when this happens.  Aren't we all supposed to be happy for everyone no matter what is happening to us.  The book of Job describes a man who was in trial.  His friends came to help him and it's never mentioned that he got bitter for anything that they still had but he didn't.  I would like to reach that level one day.  I'm not there myself just yet but I just tried to calm my wife down and make her happy(or fix her).

Sometimes being a preacher and talking to your wife doesn't work.  I quoted I think every single verse in the Bible that had to do with a woman miraculously having a child when they were past age(Sarah) or unexplained fertility(Rachel, Rebekah, and Hannah).  The only one that I could read to her was the story of the Shunnamite woman in 2 Kings 4 which speaks of a woman and her husband who never had a child.  They decided to build onto their house for the man of God, Elisha, so that when he come by their way he could rest in their house.  Elisha prayed to God and she received a child.  A good preacher friend and Evangelist preached a message about the Shunnamite woman at a revival meeting that we went to and it seriously helped my wife.  I learned that whenever I say something she perceives it to be that I'm just saying what she wants to hear while if somebody else tells her the same information it's somehow exciting.  My wife knelt down at that revival meeting and told God that she would just serve him all of her days with or without a child.  She told God if this were to be his will then so be it, she would just be happy to serve no matter what. 

That meeting took place in May of 2011 in North Georgia.  One of the doctors we visited explained that my wife had PCOS and insulin resistance.  She started her on Metformin for the insulin resistance.  On April 1st of 2011 we had been going to a fertility clinic for a little while.  We were getting ready to start a cycle of Clomid and some other fertility drugs.  They called us that day and said that my wife was pregnant but not to get our hopes up because the numbers were low.  She had what was termed a chemical pregnancy.  That was a hard blow to us both.  We started the fertility drugs as instructed and went back to the ferility doctor.  Only to have a negative result again.  I immediately thought of Rachel and her mandrakes that she got from Reuben, Leah's son.  Mandrakes were thought to be an aphrodisiac and a fertility aide in Bible days.  It didn't help her to conceive either.  My wife was getting more stressed about it.  I told her let's go to that Georgia tent meeting and see what God has to say to us.    There was only one thing that could help us and that was/is God.

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